And America is great again. And Putin is great. And Bulgarian parties are great, and great people erect great monuments to themselves. So much greatness sometimes makes me sick, admits Ivan Landzhev.
This is the greatest text ever written.
It cannot be otherwise, given that everything around is so great. I have never seen greatness of such magnitude in my life.
The bearable things have already gone, and the satisfactory ones have also gone along with them. Wherever I turn, there is nothing that is simply readable. The other day it seemed to me that I saw something acceptable, but when I looked closer - it turned out to be exceptional. Nothing is just like that, in the norm. Whatever is good. Eat it. No - everything is great.
Once upon a time when I was asked what could be categorically called "Great", I knew and answered - Tarnovo. And now - everything.
And America is great
Once upon a time you had to do some great things to be told that you were great. And now you just tell yourself. And that's it, it's already like that. Well, isn't that great?
Just look at the Great Powers - they have never been so great. And so strong. This unprecedented rise is due to the resounding return of the great leaders. As if they were gone, they suddenly returned. The guy who used to say fireworks: "No, no, no, just f*ck your mother".
Donald Trump is a great leader who came up with the original slogan "Make America Great Again" all by himself in 2015. And Ronald Reagan stole it from him in 1980. The most brazen theft is retroactive.
Then, with the help of this slogan, Donald Trump took decisive action, that is, he started selling hats and sneakers. And Bibles. Which is great, but not yet great. The truly great thing is that he fights for the poor and beats the elites. How does that happen? Like this: the richest people in the world gather at his place every second Wednesday of the month (or whenever he is there, I mean) and bring him armagans. But they literally give him gifts and tell him how great he is. And he agrees. So Trump fights the elites with the help of the elites. And the poor like it. Great.
He stopped seven wars, and only some of them never started. Thanks to this peacemaking, today the nations of "Aberbaijan" and "Albania" are on good terms. And the fact that these two countries have never fought each other, and one of them does not exist, in no way makes the peacemaking mission any less great.
And Putin is great
Vladimir Putin is also great and has never started a single war, and every time he only defends himself. On foreign territory. Vladimir Putin is much greater than Peter the Great. Because he... what did he do? He managed to modernize Russia according to the Western model. A great miracle. Putin managed to do the opposite, which is more difficult. And when they told him about Ukraine that it was not good to attack foreign countries like that, he replied that there was no such country (a bit like "Aberdeen"), and then specified that even if there was, it was not foreign - it was his, so he had the right to attack it. If you can't attack what you consider your own, what are you doing at all, is this life? Tomorrow someone will say that you can't even beat your own wife.
Without a doubt, Putin is making Russia great again, because at any moment he will defeat the rotten West, which for centuries has been falling apart at any moment, but literally, that's it. Russia fell apart three times in the 20th century. With the exception of the wars it lost, Russia has never lost a war - a unique statistic that other great powers cannot boast of.
In general, one takes Kiev in three days, the other stops the war in 24 hours. And they can do it for years. Great people are these.
The left is great too. And the right too.
Both conservatives and liberals are greater today than ever, mostly because of their attitude towards the truth. Some have "alternative facts", while others "self-define themselves as".
It is reassuring that all this unprecedented greatness has not passed Bulgaria by. It is even more pronounced in our country, because here everything is delayed at first, but then it explodes. "There is nothing, there is nothing, there is nothing and then it just f*cks."
It is great on Bulgarian roads too
Let's start with the fact that in our country we have a great regime. It is neither totalitarian nor democratic, but a sports regime. With a blurred mileage.
We have great contemporary music and our singers are so good that the only way to find out who is better is through a race on "Bulgaria" Boulevard. This boulevard should immediately be renamed "Great Bulgaria", because great men walk along it and go to Boyana. Then they return down (to Bulgaria) to take what is left.
And to make a country with a capital D.
Great people build great monuments for themselves
In our country, both the name of the state and the word "State" itself will be written in capital letters - which fills me with national pride and is a good start, but why stop there? Why don't we just write everything the way great statuses on Facebook are written, ONLY IN CAPITAL LETTERS AND FIVE AMAZING ENDINGS!!!!! Greatness is like education - it should be seen in what is written.
And our education is so advanced that a great professor himself discovers a statue of himself at the university. And he attends the ceremony - he on one side, his statue on the other! But this is great, right! Pushkin and Horace are turnips to eat, they have erected monuments not made by hands, but here there is a hand to see, an eye to touch, scale and scope. UniBit and culture.
Our writers are great - all of them. Some are great because their books sell, and others are greater because their books don't. And there's no one left to have a beer with, brother...
Bulgarian parties are great too
The names of the registered political parties in Bulgaria are great because they're the only ones that come to mind - if it's not a loud and big word, there's no party. The explanatory dictionary is a menu of specialties, nostalgia is a club - beat the electorate with it on the head. Small givens drive big ambitions.
So, it's "Vazrazhdane", "Vazkhod", "Volya", "Ataka", "Nova sila" (not like the old one), "For Great Bulgaria", "Volt", "Rise", "Honor"… Some are threats ("We are coming"), others are commands ("Stand up!"). The change does not stop and continues unabated. They took whatever could be taken from our coat of arms, milked the lions and started with the games of cold weapons - swords, hacksaws and hammers, damask sabers and Swiss army knives (which are Bulgarian!). Tomorrow the firearms will start. And there will be a "Bazooka" game. There will be everything. For a long time "There is such a people", and recently "It makes sense". Don't think that there isn't.
Did I miss anything from all this greatness?… Oh, yes - a "Greatness" game! Until recently, I thought that it was simply impossible, there was no way to be great and be called Yveline. Because it didn't sound like Alexander the Great, Charlemagne, Yveline the Great... Somehow it didn't fit. Yuvigi Ivko? Not at all. However, the man made a party, he told himself about greatness and, lo and behold, it came true. The lesson is one: a rush of big words, who understands stops here. A lambada for the language, say the corn sellers by the sea. And they are right.
If I make a party tomorrow, and it will be necessary, because I alone haven't made one yet, I will name it "Magnificence" or "Might". Or better yet "Mighty Magnificence". And best of all "Magnificent Might". "Grandiose power".
And it will become even greater in my soul. Not that I don't feel it now. Only sometimes… from such saturated and concentrated greatness… I admit that I get dizzy, I feel sick. And I go to wash myself. Then I look at the plate - I see an undoubted greatness... and I turn on the water.
This comment expresses the personal opinion of the author and may not coincide with the positions of the Bulgarian editorial office and the State News Agency as a whole.